I always
thought that the first Methodist funeral I attended would be of a sweet old
woman name Bethel, my denomination like all mainline denominations is made up
of a lot of old people. I love old people; I always have so I have no problem
with being in churches surrounded by people with gray hair. I did however have
a problem when the first Methodist funeral I attended was for my friend Kim
Kaiser who was nowhere near being old; she hadn't even gotten the chance to
graduate from college yet.
For
those of you who don’t know me, I wear my emotions like the latest fashion
trend, if I am sad I will cry loudly and openly, I feel no guilt or shame in
being a person that shows how I feel, but when I got the news last Saturday
that my friend Kim was killed in a collision I had no idea how to process the
information. I sent out a text to 3 of my closest friends (Ned, Ty, and Bubba).
I specifically didn't tell my mother for fear she would give me some Calvinist
comfort about how this is all a part of God’s masterplan rubbish. Obviously,
predestination brings comfort to some people, but I’m a pupil of John Wesley,
my God doesn’t plan on killing 20-somethings in car accidents to bring Himself
glory. Of the three friends I texted only one replied, Ned, and Ned went on to
give me the exact answer that I didn't want to hear about how God was going to
turn this experience into something good. I love Ned, I respect Ned and
acknowledge that he is so much smarter than I am it is embarrassing, but I
think/know that he is wrong. I don’t think God planned for my friend to die in
the seat of her car on the way to pick up her cousin Hailey from a youth
retreat, I don’t believe that God planned for her to die before we could go and
see “Man of Steel” together, I don’t believe that God wants Hailey to feel
overwhelming guilt for Kim’s death, that’s not the God that I know, the God
that loves me and speaks to me and tells that I am created in His image.
Fast-forward
to the morning of Friday June 21st, I am in FUMC Denton acting as a
greeter; I have yet to break-down emotionally. I directed traffic until I sat
with my friends from the Denton Wesley then the slideshows start, and the tears
come. I managed to stay relatively stable until her aunt and uncle came forward
to tell family stories about her, and then my eyes became waterfalls. Then came
Rev. Cammy Gaston and she gave a great sermon about hope, and resurrection, but
what was really awesome was the prayer afterwards. The prayer basically told
God everything I was thinking, it brought frustrations with the injustice of a
22-year-old dying in a car wreck, yet the trust in God being with us, our very
present help in time of trouble. It was healing, and theologically sound, trusting
in God yet not an easy answer like “God is in control”, it was what my spirit
needed. After the service ended my friends from the Wesley and I wept like
babies on one another, then went to the reception to tell stories about Kim to
her family, because the family wanted to know how she had blessed us.
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| Lisa Gungor & myself |
